Why Machetes Can Make You Look Sexier While Gardening
The most underrated yard tool to date is the machete. Why these aren’t on pedestals in hardware stores is beyond me.
Not only are these the fabled weapons of chaos (let that title sink in…keep it going…alright good) but the applicability of this tool is boundless, and consistently so, which might make the title I just gave it a misnomer.
If you’re not familiar with a machete, they’re shaped like razor-sharp, oversized yogurt spoons cut in half. They’re around two-feet long and consist of a blade and handle. A machete is similar in nature to the falchion but with the notable difference of not having a guard.
Specifically, I use my machete to:
- Cut branches
- Clean brush
- Slash vines
- Look dope
The beautiful part is that while it has many uses, you also don’t necessarily need to use it. You can just strap it to your belt, strut around and accomplish more than somebody with simple garden clippers ever could. Trust me, your person of interest will think you look sexy standing there with your primed and ready machete.
It is a cultural symbol in many countries, particularly in Latin America. The machete has a long (sometimes gory) history and the fact that it is a name well-known, as opposed to, say, the falchion, attests to the diverse nature of the blade.
In many eras and locations, it diverges from a tool to a weapon, breaching the forsaken line that so many honest devices have had to cross in human hands. Sometimes tools become weapons because that’s what the time calls for, and that’s what simple people have when the hour comes to rise up and fight back.
But at its core, it is a tool, to be used by the wielder to accomplish a task. Thereby in its versatility, it weathers the passage of time and goes from the hand of a revolutionary to that of a simple gardener. And you can look sexy carrying one around while you hoe the ground.
Use it well.
